so this review has been sitting in my drafts for more than two weeks and I can't seem to fit my thoughts into my standard review format. however, I still want to share my thoughts so please prepare for a somewhat messy conglomeration of my emotions:

things I appreciated

🙂The story gave a voice to the victims - we often hear about the women and men who are fighting to bring their stories to the surface, but it's given that there are countless others who aren't able to voice the trauma that they have experienced. Granted, Vanessa didn't believe that she was a victim for the majority of the story, but that just highlights how incredibly manipulated she was that she believed the relationship was consensual. As painful as it was to read, I enjoyed following her psychological process as she defines herself and accepts her emotional scars are badges of her victory.

things I hated

😠Strane - he DISGUSTS me. As someone who's graduating college with an education major, this was wrong on so many levels. The whole teacher-student relationship dynamic is a trope that I will never be able to understand. I find it ethically immoral to fantasize about one's students and just professionally unacceptable to cross that line. Strane is a predator and a pedophile and I hate him.

😠The double standards - This might be a mild spoiler but essentially, Vanessa goes off to college and catches the attention of one of her English professors. It's kind of the same spiel as with Strane, she stands out for her analytical and "dark passion" for literature and becomes conflicted with all the attention Henry (the professor) is giving her. She ends up discovering that he is currently married to one of his former students who ironically works as a counselor at Strane's school. 

I feel like this particular component of the story ended up being more damaging for Vanessa because she's been mentally scarred by her relationship with Strane and finding out a student-teacher relationship that worked was not helpful. Henry himself also presented more confusion because he seemed unsure about his feelings for Vanessa and condemned Strane, but his relationship with his former student was somehow different? I don't know, it could be since we don't get the full backstory, but this element of the story just seemed irrelevant and frustrating.

things I learned

🧐Telling the truth is never easy - This is a given, obviously, but reading Vanessa's view of the ongoing trial against Strane felt more personal. Vanessa constantly tracks the news of Strane's trial through Taylor's (the student accusing him) social media and her changing perspective of the narrative changes as the story develops. While this made me lose a bunch of faith and respect for humanity, I appreciated the very blunt portrayal the #MeToo movement from the perspective of someone who is silent.

🧐One sentence, two meanings - the amount of gaslighting and manipulations infuriated me. I highlighted so many passages of moments where the only comment I could provide was 🤬🤬🤬. Strane is incredibly talented at twisting his words to make himself seem like the victim and isn't afraid to go between painting Vanessa as his savior to condemning her for his actions. His words give a glimpse at how damaging and cruel his character really is and also how common it is to use words to mentally hurt someone else. 

🧐Healing is personal and has no time limit - The crux of this story is about Vanessa and you don't have to love her character to value her journey. This book has definitely made an impact on me and allowed me to develop a better insight into how important the #MeToo movement is. I stated this before, but this book was so difficult to read, but at the end I'm really glad that I read it.